Are you a kind and generous person? Do you have talents and skills to share with the less fortunate? Do you ever get disgusted by the lack of reciprocity when you give to your friends and family?
Let’s do a reality check. Make a short list of the times you feel taken advantage of, the times you did someone a big favor and then when you needed help, he or she was nowhere to be found.
Now we need some definitions.
GIFT
A gift is something that is given voluntarily without payment in return, such as to show favor to someone, honor an occasion, or make a helpful gesture; here. gift. Dictionary.com
CONTRACT
A contract is an agreement between two or more parties to do or not do something specific. contract. Dictionary.com
Let’s look at your list again. When you provided your help or service, was there a little thought or hope in the back of your altruistic mind that she would receive something in return? Perhaps a thank you, a business deal, love, or some financial gain? So that is a contract that exists only in your imagination. One that the receiver did not sign.
Many of our good deeds turn into resentment and hurt feelings because we are abandoned by the very people who “should” owe us. Did you keep one hand on your gift ready to snatch away the pleasant gift-giving experience if the recipient didn’t respond exactly as you think they should have? Are you outraged and critical of their actions, calling them selfish, small-minded, or rude? Do you despise them for their unfair treatment of you, the Great Giver?
That’s not fair. You made a contract with only one party, not two. You assumed you would be rewarded for your efforts and now you feel taken advantage of and wronged. But in reality, you are doing yourself harm by making a contract with your gift and bringing stress, toxic anger, and bad vibes to friends, family, or business associates. If you can’t stop imagining these one-sided contracts, then you need to stop doing your good deeds that end up hurting you and everyone nearby who hears you.
Or did you give it freely with no strings attached? You know when this happens because you easily forget the gesture or object you gave away. Without conditions. You let go completely. You expect absolutely nothing in return.
Take a good look at your list. Can you find a real gift among your contracts? It is possible that not, because they are often forgotten by the donor. The recipient may remember your true gift forever, and the ripple effect of your kindness may have spread far and wide. You may never know about these wonderful effects.
The next time you have the idea that you have something to give, ask yourself if you are really prepared to let this gift flow freely into the cosmos without your control or manipulation. If instead you are contemplating a one-sided contract, take a few moments alone and ask yourself why you need to control or manipulate to find the love, business, or acceptance you need. Perhaps there is a more direct route to finding your success. Give only true gifts and be free from disappointment.